Category: Journal

And so begins a Journey of Self Discovery

Posted on by Yanninia

Tell me about your dreams, the big ones, the little ones, the ones that keep you up at night, and the things you wish you would have done. Tell me about all those tiny sparks of inspiration and moments of curiosity you wish you could get lost in.

Now tell me why you haven't? And I'll tell you why you're wrong.

We all have them, this ever-growing list of dreams, moments of inspiration, curiosities that we never pursue. Why, because we're afraid. If you think I am wrong, let me ask one question?

If I told you that tomorrow morning you would wake up, and that thing, that lie, you've been telling yourself you needed was suddenly yours. You know what I am talking about. That excuse, that lie, you say to yourself over and over again. Suddenly didn't exist.

For me, it was time and money. I could never do that because it's too expensive, and I don't have the time. I'll fly to Paris once I save up x.  And one day, I woke up and there it was, my x. Sitting there staring at me, and yet I still didn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to quit the job that made me miserable so that I would have the time, and then suddenly that x was no longer enough because I needed it for other things. I told myself it wasn't enough, and then the pandemic hit.

Well, damn, here I am with tons of time and funds. But I still couldn't allow myself to feel safe, to feel worthy enough, brave enough to chase that ever-growing list of dreams, wishes, and heart desires. I added another x, and then another until I found myself on the phone with an amazing woman. A mentor, if you will.

At that moment, I realized, in the end, I never needed the time or the money. I just needed to say yes. For once in my life, I needed to put my desires first, and I needed to permit myself to say yes. Yes, you can.

I am willing to bet that just like me, you too are terrified. Terrified that if you say yes, you're going to change, and change is scary. You know what's worse than change having to face every lie you have ever told yourself and realizing you could be wrong.

So let me ask you a better question? Could you do it? Could challenge the lies and commit to saying yes.

I'm about to find out. Last week and I turned 29, and with it, I made a terrifying decision. I am going to commit to being brave for Year and a Day and say yes. I am challenging the lies and giving myself permission to take all of those little dreams and turn them into reality.  And I invite you to join me, to take a risk and say yes.

So tell me, what are you going to say yes to this week?

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Join me this week as we open the Creative Vault, pursue a childhood dream and take a brave step forward with a brand new look.

You can follow along with me as undergo this Year and a Day journey by subscribing to my newsletter & following me on Instagram.

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Ask yourself, “Why?”

Posted on by Yanninia

Hello, lovelies,

Today’s Monday Morning Check-In is all about mindfulness and taking a hard look at the life you are currently leading. It is easy to hear the word mindfulness and instantly think of meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and journaling. While all of those things are extremely helpful in cultivating a life that you love and have so many mental health benefits, I am referring to something slightly different.

For the last several months, I have been engaging in mindfulness by merely observing my patterns of behavior and asking myself a straightforward question, “Why?”

Why did I make a pot of coffee this morning? Why do I continue to work a job I know I hate? Trust me, when you begin to ask yourself why you start to see how you could make your life better.

Over the years, I have been incredibly guilty about getting stuck in patterns of behaviors or doing things that don’t align with my heart’s purpose—resulting in periods of deep depression, anxiety, and regret.

I have always been the type of person who would sit there and pretend everything is fine even if the house is on fire. I have always placed responsibility over happiness, having an income over doing what I love.

Last year that cost me dearly. I put a job before my family. I decided to prioritize work, telling myself I would make time for my family later. The clock ran out, and instead of getting one more weekend with my father, I stayed home, went to work, and told myself I’d see him next month.

I don’t want to make that mistake twice, so I started asking myself, “Why?” I even took it a step further and asked myself, “Will this make me happy? If I knew I only had today, would I still do this?” If the answer was no, I knew I need to make a change. So ever so slowly, I have been making small changes, tiny decisions to shape my future.
It hasn’t been easy, and life has a real hard time just accepting that you’ve changed your mind; even our bodies fight us sometimes. It is almost like we become programmed over the years, and so much of our behaviors are automatic.

But little by little, I am changing, growing and I can’t wait for 2021. I have so many plans. I would love to continue this conversation as I know this process is so much more involved than a simple question.

But today, I want to challenge you to be present and ask yourself, “why?”

With Love,

Yanninia Marie

PS. On Wednesday, I will share a video about another mindfulness practice that I engage in when life feels a little chaotic. Stay tuned.

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Monday Morning Check In

Posted on by Yanninia

Hello gorgeous humans,

I wanted to take a moment to reach out; I have started a small mini-series on Instagram, as some of you know. The series is entitled "Monday Morning Check-In." It has been running for 18 weeks now, which is a big deal.

I started Monday Mornings to create a space to check in with each other regarding our mental health and stand as a reminder that you are not alone. Like millions of other beautiful humans, I, too, struggle with mental illness, which I lovingly refer to as darkness. For me, darkness wears a mask of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and a weird non-epileptic seizure disorder.

As an artist and fellow warrior in darkness, I wanted to do something to help shine a little light into all of our lives, and while I have loved checking in with you on Monday mornings, I felt like I could be doing more.

So without further ado. Let's get started

Starting today, I will be sending out a Monday Morning Newsletter filled with content to help us navigate our darkness and a healthy dose of positivity. On Tuesday, I will follow up with a video on mental health practices and eventually interview other warriors in darkness to share their struggles and triumphs with us.

I am so excited for this next chapter, and I hope you will join me. I genuinely believe that by coming together, we can find better ways of making it tomorrow.

As always, if no one has told you today: You are amazing; you are magic and stardust and loved more, then you could even know.

Until next time,

Yanninia Marie

~ Oh, and before I forget, I want to challenge each & every one of you to post one good thing about 2020
every day leading up to the new year.
Today my one good thing is all of you lovely humans who support me, my art, and my vision for a better tomorrow. Love you guys.

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The Musings of a Dreamer

Posted on by Yanninia

There is something so peaceful about the woods, and the aimless wonderings of a dreamer. Even if I can’t escape the urban juggled around me, I know the woods are always waiting for me.

There is magic in wandering, it is as if the feet and the earth give the mind permission to wander too. Thoughts and feeling once left abandoned coming running to the surface demanding to be held and some simply ask for permission to fade.  It is in these moment I found solace, discover new fascists of the world around me, a few hidden treasures and sometime I allow myself to reemerge into a world where old lovers collide, and children who never exist live.

Sometime I tell their stories hidden in the pages of countless journals, and scribbled hastily on random sheet a paper. It’s funny; you’d think I’d have become a writer with all these scribbles. But I can only ever find the beginning or the end. I am never privy to both and so I am surround by scattered fragment of unfinished stories.

Call me silly but there something about the way the earth feels beneath my bare feet and the warmth of the sun dancing off my pale skin that make me long for those endless days of wandering beneath the trees and losing myself to stories in my head.

Tangible Memories

Posted on by Yanninia

Tonight I found myself surrounded by what is slowly becoming my family, and reminded of something so simple; our families.

I am not talking simply about spending time with them, or enjoying the moments you have with them because let me be honest time is short and before you know it it’s gone. I am talking about something more important. I am talking about creating memories, real tangible memories of our families.

I am talking about the importance of memory. Tonight I sat and I listened to a conversation that started with a disagreement over the specific cut of my fiancée, Brendan, mom’s first wedding ring. A disagreement that result in a rifling of an old ceder chest to find their parents wedding album; only to decided to table the conversation until we could empty the chest completely; as it is currently overwhelming full of teddy bear and decades of lost memories. A task for anther night; I’m sure.  But it didn’t end the conversation.

We eventually ended up talking about how his mother used to dye her hair strawberry blond; which lead to her bring out an old family photo of Brendan’s folks and his older brother, Brain long before he and his middle, brother Steven were born. The first and only formal family photo, but not the last family photo.  I listen to Brendan and his dad, Jim, joke about receding hair lines, and family resemblances, and where each brother gets what genetic trait as his mother, Becky, users us into the living to show off the decades of family photos: a photo of Jim, & her on their wedding day, a family photo of Jim when he was little, a hand-colored photo of her moms wedding, and a set of engagements photo form her when parents got engaged.

Meanwhile as she shows photo after photo each containing a memory, a moment of their lives, their family history, a glimpse into their past I am reminded of the day I first met his mother. The day she pulled out all the baby photos, and showed each and every one of them to me. I remember laughing as she told me the stories of his childhood, the images of his naked butt roaming around the house wearing an over sized hat, and his dad’s boot on backwards, of course. This is his family.

Every photograph, every painting on the walls tell a story of memories long past; but forever persevered. 

So why do I tell you this because we have forgotten; it not about making memories, and spending time. But about creating a way to remember them. Creating a tangible reminder of the memories of your wedding day, the family gathering around a new baby, the first smile, and of course your last smile.

Tonight I am reminded that every time I create an album, or a physical tangible photograph of a newborn I am giving that family a memory, a tangible memory; one that will one day lead to laughter, smiles, stories and remembrance. Although I doubt there’s will sparked by something so simple as a disagreement over the cut of a wedding ring.